But Who Plays Chris Elliot?

It’s Groundhog’s Day apparently, and I’m Bill Murray(Phil Connors). Andie MacDowell’s character, Rita, is of course played by Kyle Lohse. I spend the whole movie trying to convince him that yes, he still is that terrible pitcher from the past. Over and over and over again.

Kyle Lohse has won, again. I just…I’m at a loss here people. I’m not sure if I’m angry at Lohse for succeeding or disappointed that I didn’t take a flier on a completely unreliable starter for a team that some said would lose 90 games. I’ll take the former of the two.

The guy twirled 6 innings, striking out three while allowing four hits and a single base on balls. Why/How? Luck is a strange beast/cruel mistress. My befuddlement is beyond comprehension. Could it really be that Level 11 Wizard Dave Duncan has transformed this mild-mannered scrub into a stealthy, obnoxious Greg Maddux-clone? Only time will tell.

Now, back to sticking pins into my Cliff Lee voodoo doll.

Oh yes, the deal with the title. Chris Elliot’s character (Larry)would be played by Braden Looper.

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The Mighty Lohse Strikes Again

Kyle Lohse is a shitbag. He really is. He was a terrible pitcher for the Minnesota Twins before finding his way onto the Cincinnati Reds. After stinking up that team, he departed for the St. Louis Cardinals, the veritable YMCA of major league teams.

And that’s when the fun began. Last year during the Met’s historic collapse, I went to see a game between the Cards and Mets at Shea. The starting pitcher for the Cards was Lohse, so a victory for the Mets seemed more than likely. Lohse had other ideas.

My dear friend Youppi, a life-long Mets freak, watched his team get NO HIT through 6 innings at least (it might have been 7 innings), prompting him to stand up and scream, “You’re getting no hit by KYLE LOHSE!!! KYLE FUCKING LOHSE!!!”

Now, I love my friend, but this was one of the most absurd pitching performances I’d ever seen. The guy doesn’t have overwhelming stuff, and his last name is pronounced like it should be spelled (Loshe).

Hence my fascination in that he currently BLANKING the Brewers today. Ryan Braun has a single, and everyone’s favorite middling white guy Craig Counsell has the other two hits for the Crew. Ouch. Meanwhile, the Cards have roughed up Manny Parra for 3 runs, with Ryan Ludwick doing most of the damage out of the 5-hole, going 3-3 with a homerun and a run scored.

This begs the question: Who gave Ludwick the right to put up significant fantasy numbers? He’s completely playing out of his head, and that pisses me off. He will regress back to the mean, and life will make a little more sense to me. Lohse’s success is still a mystery.

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