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I gave up a three-run jack...TO A PITCHER

I gave up a three-run jack...TO A PITCHER

The first week of fantasy baseball is coming to a close, and my team is wonderfully hot and cold. One night I bash four homers (with 2 on the bench!), the next none. Thus is the first week.

Also, it happened again. Mike Cameron, on my bench, terrible career stats versus Randy Johnson. I start Randy Johnson. RJ gives up a solo shot to Cameron. On my bench. ALWAYS. HAPPENS. TO. ME.

Anyways, here are some roster tinkerings:

Dropped Andy Laroche for Emilio Bonifacio

There were some angry human beings in my league when I pulled this pick-up. Bonifacio had just stolen his second base, and I had been weighing whether or not to grab him for a week. This made it easier. Now if I could only have that homer and three steals…

Meanwhile, Laroche had a great spring and then started sucking. He could still be good this season, so this could come back to haunt me.

Dropped Jordan Zimmerman for Brandon Inge

Look, I drafted Ramon Hernandez. Need I say more? This gives me much better flexibility at catcher, and Inge also qualifies at 3B and OF in Yahoo leagues. Also, he has 25 homer potential. Yum.

Zimmerman will be dope for someone else’s team. And by dope, I mean he’ll have great K numbers, great ratios and no wins for the Nats.  He’s basically a carbon-copy of three pitchers I already have on my team.

Now I just have to make those stupid roster tinkering moves that make you want to smack yourself in the mouth.  Start Inge or sit him?  Will Hernandez hit two bombs on my bench and then never homer for the rest of the year?

Only time will smell.

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I hardly knew ye.

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I think everyone who spends their time accumulating make-believe statistics has had this moment, which happened to ME of all people last night:

Me: Hmm…Jermaine Dye has been sucking butt this year. But he did hit a homer the other night…but I’ll bench him tonight. He’s probably still slumping.

Reality: Hi, yeah, you should’ve started Dye. He went 2-4 with a homerun, 2 runs and 2 ribbies.

Me: Fantastic.

Yeah, that jonesing occurred just this past inning. What did I receive instead of that sterling line from Senor Jermaine? Well, a perfectly useless 1-4 night from Matt Stairs. Jones.

Just today, Slanch’s team was graced with a huge jones. Based on John Maine’s career 6.00 ERA at the hands of the Dodgers, Maine rode the pine today on Slanch’s bench. At which point he threw 8 1/3 innings allowing one run and striking out four.

That, my friends, is a jones.

In other news, I picked up Austin Kearns. Sounds pathetic, but with the new ballpark, he can’t be this bad. I chalk it up to a bad month and I still think he’s good for 20 home runs, which should help replace Corey Hart’s absence. And to be honest regarding Hart, I watched a bunch of his games and the only thing more apparent than Ned Yost’s horrible manager’s instinct is that Hart is not hitting for power. He’s hitting for the gaps this year, and after one home run in April I’m pretty sure I’m right. He could be good for 20 home runs, but I see him hitting more doubles this year.

Also, I picked up Jason Bartlett to spell my MI slot when Jeff Kent remembers he’s so old he can’t bend over. Cheap steals at MI is always a good thing, especially when trying to replace Him.

I miss you.

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