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Posts Tagged ‘Eick’

When recently asked by Shatraw to provide his excuse for a HORRIBLE team this year, Eick gave us this wonderful reply:

“No excuse per se. I look at my team and I still think my team is solid.

I think I’ve just been caught in the perfect storm of nearly ALL my guys getting off to terrible April’s hitters slumping and pitchers getting rocked – nearly everyone on my team.

It has to balance out. I think I’m due for a big turnaround at some point, but it’s certainly looking painfully bad right now.”

I’m not sure what’s more sad; that Eick believes his team will do any upward climbing in the standings, or that he boiled his teams awful existence down to “a perfect storm of nearly ALL my guys getting off to a terrible [start].”

Nothing to translate here. His team is currently 51 points out of first, barely standing up at 37.5 points. I think MY team is terrible and I’m in 6th.

You had a good season, Eick. Enjoy Gary Sheffield.

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Then you should go right ahead and visit this site, where a Barry Zito calculator will tell you how long you’ll have to work at your current profession to reach the zenith that is Barry’s 126 million dollar contract. I’d tell you my results, but a debilitating bout of depression and existential angst prevents me from doing so.

What in the hell in this bastard of a world could cheer me up? How about a picture of a screaming manager that is completely out of context with anything? Okay.

What’s wonderful about this picture? It looks as if Dusty Baker is being attacked by a swarm of invisible bees! What’s more, the umpire seems to have found a remedy to the crisis: By the angle of his leg kick, I think he’s decided to side-arm his scorecard directly in Dusty’s face. Awesome!!!

In other news, Slanch’s team is sticking to the top spot, obviously aided by a weak Monday schedule and a propensity to start his pitchers no matter what. What else could explain his gaudy KO numbers? How about the fact that he’s 50 IP over the limit already. Granted he can easily trade away one of his over-achievers (Olsen, Wolf, Maddux) or shitbag/strikeout maestro Chad Billingsely for some hitting, but whatevs.

I’m feeling for Eick right now. When I joined this league a bunch of years ago, he took the crown. Since then he hasn’t come even close to doing anything. From the start, we tried to prepare him mentally for such disappointment. He’s been in the cellar for quite some time now, and the way I see it, the best he’ll finish is 10th. So, if you have any down-time, check out his blog. At least he can watch his non-baseball hits grow.

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Outside of the fact that my trade bust Frank “Ginormous Head” Thomas was signed by the Oakland A’s and started in the clean-up spot for my wonderful team, not much doin’ today. Also, let me state that Edwin “Shitfinger” Encarnacion now leads the Cincinatti Reds in home runs. I am currently tied for 3rd place (or 4th place, however you want to look at it (I obviously prefer the previous to the latter (the latter making my team all the worse))).

After that excuse to triple-parenthesize the shit out of that paragraph, I must say that I have been receiving abysmal run support for my pitchers. Yovanni Gallardo pitched 7 strong innings, only to receive a single run of support. Granted, Johnny Cueto got roughed up today by the Astros, but still, his previous two starts were worthy of the win. If Dusty Baker could forget the fact that he was Dusty, maybe he wouldn’t be batting Corey Patterson OR Jerry Hairston Jr. (both winners of the “Where Am I Playing Today? Oh, Wait, I Just Struck Out Trophy”) lead-off and could PRODUCE RUNS with his line ups. That would be, well, nice.

Also, Slanch’s team has risen to the top of the league, with Dibbes in at a close second. He’s been helped out by the sterling performances of Chase Utley, Nate McLouth and J.D. Drew. Granted, Drew and McLouth will fall off the charts, as will Justin Upston, Maddux, Jurrjens…whoops, fell asleep trying to cast doubt on the number one team.

Shatraw remains mired in the basement with Eick and Tristan. Tristan’s team just took another blow as one of his closers, Manuel Corpas, has been replaced by the Dibbes’ owned Brian Fuentes. Dibbes now boasts four closers, yum yum yum.

Also, let it be known that scrubby catcher tandem of Mike Napoli and Jeff Mathis have provided the following combined line:

Mathis/Napoli: .240/ 6 R/ 2 HR/ 6 RBI/ 1 SB

That, my friends, is fun.

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Over this very short season, the DL has been lit up like a loose joint smoked by Scott Spiezio as he drives his pick-up truck backwards on the highway.

I drafted two guys (Gallardo, Owens) who were on the DL when the season began. And then my ace pitcher (Bedard) hit it. And then my scrubby closer (Borowski) hit it. And then my waiver closer Pete Moylan hit it. I think on one day I lost Bedard and the two closers, so yeah, I know what pain is.

Meanwhile, Eick’s pitching staff is literally BEGGING to hit the DL. Just last night, Ben Sheets remembered who he was and promptly left the game early with triceps soreness. I watched the game, and while he blanked the shit out of the Reds, he didn’t look like his overpowering self. I see the DL in his future…

Future guys on Eick’s staff destined for disability: AJ Burnett, Randy Johnson, Kerry Wood, and Brett Myers. You may think Myers is a weird pick, but try and tell me converting a starter to a closer BACK to a starter isn’t going to have a negative effect on a guy’s mentality and mechanics. Something will go wrong there. Not saying Eick doesn’t have some back ups, namely James Shields and Gil Meche, but sorry Eick, your goose is cooked. When your offense is comprised of DL stalwarts Troy Glaus, Gary Sheffield, Nick Johnson, Jeremy Hermida, and Joe Crede you have nothing to lean on.

Alfonso Soriano, Howie Kendrick, Jimmy Rollins and J.J. Putz have all been hit by the DL bus, so I’m not the only one missing key elements this early on.

I can’t wait to get my #1 and #3 starters back. I’m not sure how long Lincecum and Cueto can keep my pitching stats respectable…

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Crazy trade action last night.  When looking at my team, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I just had no power whatsoever at some positions.  My catcher Carlos Ruiz was so league average it fucking killed me, and frankly I was sick of playing Pedro Feliz EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK (I love you Pedro, please hit more homers).

So I decided to use my quality trade chip, also known as George Sherrill.  Sherrill’s great because he’s started so hot, leading the league in saves for the lowly Orioles.  Meanwhile, since I’ve picked up Pete Moylan, I have four closers.  Did I mention I also own Heath Bell, potential successor of Trevor Hoffman when he implodes?  Closer is not an issue for me.

Eick had been interested in George Sherrill earlier in the week, but sent me more of his ridiculously lop-sided trades.  Instead of just asking for Sherrill, he tried to poach James Loney as well.  If you read this week’s Guestly Column, you’ll see that Shatraw doesn’t really like Loney.  Hmm, what say you player note?

Apr 12 1B James Loney extended his career-high hitting streak to 10 games with a solo home run in the sixth inning, his second of the season. Loney has hit safely in 18 of his past 19 games dating to last season and has a .373 average (28-for-75) during that stretch.”

Yeah, sounds like a real major league pretender, right?  Yeah…no.  He’s legit, and I’m gonna covet the living hell out of his sweet left-handed swing.

Sorry, off topic there.  Lucas shot me a tentative offer for Sherrill, and I shot it down.  But I liked the idea, because he offered me a catcher.  I wondered, who else could I get for my Georgey?

At approximately 10pm Central time, after talks on the phone and last second tinkering, I landed not only the Angel’s low-average high-power Mike Napoli at catcher, but the FUCKIN BIG HURT for my UTIL slot!!!

Hot dog!  In four days (the amount of time Cockcroft the Commish set for trades to process, cough, lame) I no longer have to start BOTH Pedro Feliz and Edwin Encarnacion, but pick between those bags of crap!  I am free to start my catcher without an ounce of shame!

Also, I guarantee Eick bitches about this trade, “Because I offered you sooooo much, dude, you’re an idiot,” blah blah blah, shut up Eick.  I love this trade.  Awesome.

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