Hi, I’m Bill. I’m the ignoramus who signed Carlos Silva to a FOUR YEAR 48 MILLION DOLLAR deal. To give you a better idea of why I should be fired and take my terrible manager with me, we’ll play a game. For every point that Bavasi or the Mariners players attain, the more blame goes their way.
Carlos Silva
Career Line:
IP: 1022
K: 423
H: 1221
ERA: 4.44
WHIP: 1.38
BAA: .300
Notice the 200 hits more than innings pitched! Also, the sparkling .300 Batting Average Against! That’s not a typo. In his major league career, Carlos Silva has let ALL of his opponents bat .300 against him. That’s an awful number. Almost impossible to ignore. Bavasi apparently did. To the tune of 12 million dollars a year. A terrible signing bested only by The Incomparable Sabean and Zito the Great.
Score: Bavasi 1, Mariners 0
Richie Sexson
Need some good old power hitting? Look no further than…sorry, scratch that, look further, look into the fucking solar system, look anywhere but at Richie Sexson. He has been putrid, and the fact that Seattle couldn’t land another power bat to platoon with Sexson (or mercifully end his career with a vicious knee-cap Kerrigan-style) says something about Bavasi. In plain English, he and his staff cannot address inherent flaws in the Mariner’s offense, even with a 117 million dollar payroll. Why else would Jose Vidro be batting clean-up or 5th on any planet on any team in the world-o-sphere? Points for Bavasi and the Mariners, as a point can be made that Sexson should be playing better than a dog with three legs.
Score: Bavasi 2, Mariners 1
Erik Bedard
He’s on my team, I know the pain he brings to the table. Is he hurt? Maybe? The Mariner’s ain’t sayin’ squat, so my guess is as good as yours. One start he’s untouchable, the next he’s the kid from Rookie of the Year Pre-Injury/Post-Recovery of Normal Skill Set. He’s like Oliver Perez Lite. Points against the Mariners, simply because Bedard was supposed to be my ace this year.
Score: Bavasi 2, Mariners 2
Jarrod Washburn, Miguel Batista
Really? These guys are still pitching professionally? Really? Why/How? This has got to be all Bavasi. This reads as a bad joke, so there’s no use in trying. Two points for Bavasi for each horrible veteran starter retained.
Score: Bavasi 4, Mariners 2
John McLaren
His managing skills are Yost-like. Also, he waited until the Mariners were 18 1/2 games behind the Los Angeles Angel of Anaheim of Greater Disneyworldland to scream at his team. Puzzled? Count me in. If you are TEN games back, I believe every last one of your players should be sent from the stadium in tears. Especially Carlos Silva and Richie Sexson. Too little too late, McLaren. You’re more useless than Bob Geren.
Score: Bavasi 5, Mariners 2
I Truly Have No Life 