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Posts Tagged ‘Toronto Blue Jays’

I think everyone who spends their time accumulating make-believe statistics has had this moment, which happened to ME of all people last night:

Me: Hmm…Jermaine Dye has been sucking butt this year. But he did hit a homer the other night…but I’ll bench him tonight. He’s probably still slumping.

Reality: Hi, yeah, you should’ve started Dye. He went 2-4 with a homerun, 2 runs and 2 ribbies.

Me: Fantastic.

Yeah, that jonesing occurred just this past inning. What did I receive instead of that sterling line from Senor Jermaine? Well, a perfectly useless 1-4 night from Matt Stairs. Jones.

Just today, Slanch’s team was graced with a huge jones. Based on John Maine’s career 6.00 ERA at the hands of the Dodgers, Maine rode the pine today on Slanch’s bench. At which point he threw 8 1/3 innings allowing one run and striking out four.

That, my friends, is a jones.

In other news, I picked up Austin Kearns. Sounds pathetic, but with the new ballpark, he can’t be this bad. I chalk it up to a bad month and I still think he’s good for 20 home runs, which should help replace Corey Hart’s absence. And to be honest regarding Hart, I watched a bunch of his games and the only thing more apparent than Ned Yost’s horrible manager’s instinct is that Hart is not hitting for power. He’s hitting for the gaps this year, and after one home run in April I’m pretty sure I’m right. He could be good for 20 home runs, but I see him hitting more doubles this year.

Also, I picked up Jason Bartlett to spell my MI slot when Jeff Kent remembers he’s so old he can’t bend over. Cheap steals at MI is always a good thing, especially when trying to replace Him.

I miss you.

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Crazy trade action last night.  When looking at my team, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I just had no power whatsoever at some positions.  My catcher Carlos Ruiz was so league average it fucking killed me, and frankly I was sick of playing Pedro Feliz EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK (I love you Pedro, please hit more homers).

So I decided to use my quality trade chip, also known as George Sherrill.  Sherrill’s great because he’s started so hot, leading the league in saves for the lowly Orioles.  Meanwhile, since I’ve picked up Pete Moylan, I have four closers.  Did I mention I also own Heath Bell, potential successor of Trevor Hoffman when he implodes?  Closer is not an issue for me.

Eick had been interested in George Sherrill earlier in the week, but sent me more of his ridiculously lop-sided trades.  Instead of just asking for Sherrill, he tried to poach James Loney as well.  If you read this week’s Guestly Column, you’ll see that Shatraw doesn’t really like Loney.  Hmm, what say you player note?

Apr 12 1B James Loney extended his career-high hitting streak to 10 games with a solo home run in the sixth inning, his second of the season. Loney has hit safely in 18 of his past 19 games dating to last season and has a .373 average (28-for-75) during that stretch.”

Yeah, sounds like a real major league pretender, right?  Yeah…no.  He’s legit, and I’m gonna covet the living hell out of his sweet left-handed swing.

Sorry, off topic there.  Lucas shot me a tentative offer for Sherrill, and I shot it down.  But I liked the idea, because he offered me a catcher.  I wondered, who else could I get for my Georgey?

At approximately 10pm Central time, after talks on the phone and last second tinkering, I landed not only the Angel’s low-average high-power Mike Napoli at catcher, but the FUCKIN BIG HURT for my UTIL slot!!!

Hot dog!  In four days (the amount of time Cockcroft the Commish set for trades to process, cough, lame) I no longer have to start BOTH Pedro Feliz and Edwin Encarnacion, but pick between those bags of crap!  I am free to start my catcher without an ounce of shame!

Also, I guarantee Eick bitches about this trade, “Because I offered you sooooo much, dude, you’re an idiot,” blah blah blah, shut up Eick.  I love this trade.  Awesome.

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