Various, Fundry

Feeling great in all of my fantasy worlds today. I am in first in the Head to Head league (although I am getting lambasted by Slanch’s team 8-1 presently), I’m staying strong at the second spot in our Roto league, and I’ve managed to claw third place out of Tristan’s smelly fingers in Fantasy Golf. Things can go wrong very quickly in Fantasy Land, so why don’t we temper our expectations with a look at Mattraw’s team:

Mattraw has had some of the worst luck in the history of the world (this season). After kicking the crap out of everyone the first two weeks, Murphy’s law kicked Mattraw’s junk in the face. Jimmy Rollins, his number one pick, will have missed more than a month of play due to a dessicated ankle. Howie Kendrick is apparently the next Nomar, breaking himself at obnoxious moments. In a bizarre twist of fate, a player COMING BACK from injury screwed Mattraw, as Jeremy Accardo is back to set-up work. With Matt Capps as his sole source of saves, it seems some deal-making will be in the works for team Ricciardi Montalban.

This can/has happened to everyone in our league at some point in time. Dibbes led the way for about half a week and has sunk back to 4th place, still awesome for a guy mired in last place since, like, forever.

I myself suffered through three or four years of 12th to 9th place finishes before finally using strategy the right way to a 3rd place finish last year (damn you, Cockcroft).

Thankfully, I portend there is no way in Hell that Shatraw can win this league again. Ever. There, I said it. Deal.

And:

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Slow Day for News

Outside of the fact that my trade bust Frank “Ginormous Head” Thomas was signed by the Oakland A’s and started in the clean-up spot for my wonderful team, not much doin’ today. Also, let me state that Edwin “Shitfinger” Encarnacion now leads the Cincinatti Reds in home runs. I am currently tied for 3rd place (or 4th place, however you want to look at it (I obviously prefer the previous to the latter (the latter making my team all the worse))).

After that excuse to triple-parenthesize the shit out of that paragraph, I must say that I have been receiving abysmal run support for my pitchers. Yovanni Gallardo pitched 7 strong innings, only to receive a single run of support. Granted, Johnny Cueto got roughed up today by the Astros, but still, his previous two starts were worthy of the win. If Dusty Baker could forget the fact that he was Dusty, maybe he wouldn’t be batting Corey Patterson OR Jerry Hairston Jr. (both winners of the “Where Am I Playing Today? Oh, Wait, I Just Struck Out Trophy”) lead-off and could PRODUCE RUNS with his line ups. That would be, well, nice.

Also, Slanch’s team has risen to the top of the league, with Dibbes in at a close second. He’s been helped out by the sterling performances of Chase Utley, Nate McLouth and J.D. Drew. Granted, Drew and McLouth will fall off the charts, as will Justin Upston, Maddux, Jurrjens…whoops, fell asleep trying to cast doubt on the number one team.

Shatraw remains mired in the basement with Eick and Tristan. Tristan’s team just took another blow as one of his closers, Manuel Corpas, has been replaced by the Dibbes’ owned Brian Fuentes. Dibbes now boasts four closers, yum yum yum.

Also, let it be known that scrubby catcher tandem of Mike Napoli and Jeff Mathis have provided the following combined line:

Mathis/Napoli: .240/ 6 R/ 2 HR/ 6 RBI/ 1 SB

That, my friends, is fun.

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