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Posts Tagged ‘Cockcroft the Commish’

Feeling great in all of my fantasy worlds today. I am in first in the Head to Head league (although I am getting lambasted by Slanch’s team 8-1 presently), I’m staying strong at the second spot in our Roto league, and I’ve managed to claw third place out of Tristan’s smelly fingers in Fantasy Golf. Things can go wrong very quickly in Fantasy Land, so why don’t we temper our expectations with a look at Mattraw’s team:

Mattraw has had some of the worst luck in the history of the world (this season). After kicking the crap out of everyone the first two weeks, Murphy’s law kicked Mattraw’s junk in the face. Jimmy Rollins, his number one pick, will have missed more than a month of play due to a dessicated ankle. Howie Kendrick is apparently the next Nomar, breaking himself at obnoxious moments. In a bizarre twist of fate, a player COMING BACK from injury screwed Mattraw, as Jeremy Accardo is back to set-up work. With Matt Capps as his sole source of saves, it seems some deal-making will be in the works for team Ricciardi Montalban.

This can/has happened to everyone in our league at some point in time. Dibbes led the way for about half a week and has sunk back to 4th place, still awesome for a guy mired in last place since, like, forever.

I myself suffered through three or four years of 12th to 9th place finishes before finally using strategy the right way to a 3rd place finish last year (damn you, Cockcroft).

Thankfully, I portend there is no way in Hell that Shatraw can win this league again. Ever. There, I said it. Deal.

And:

YOU GOT ZIMMERED!

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Crazy trade action last night.  When looking at my team, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I just had no power whatsoever at some positions.  My catcher Carlos Ruiz was so league average it fucking killed me, and frankly I was sick of playing Pedro Feliz EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK (I love you Pedro, please hit more homers).

So I decided to use my quality trade chip, also known as George Sherrill.  Sherrill’s great because he’s started so hot, leading the league in saves for the lowly Orioles.  Meanwhile, since I’ve picked up Pete Moylan, I have four closers.  Did I mention I also own Heath Bell, potential successor of Trevor Hoffman when he implodes?  Closer is not an issue for me.

Eick had been interested in George Sherrill earlier in the week, but sent me more of his ridiculously lop-sided trades.  Instead of just asking for Sherrill, he tried to poach James Loney as well.  If you read this week’s Guestly Column, you’ll see that Shatraw doesn’t really like Loney.  Hmm, what say you player note?

Apr 12 1B James Loney extended his career-high hitting streak to 10 games with a solo home run in the sixth inning, his second of the season. Loney has hit safely in 18 of his past 19 games dating to last season and has a .373 average (28-for-75) during that stretch.”

Yeah, sounds like a real major league pretender, right?  Yeah…no.  He’s legit, and I’m gonna covet the living hell out of his sweet left-handed swing.

Sorry, off topic there.  Lucas shot me a tentative offer for Sherrill, and I shot it down.  But I liked the idea, because he offered me a catcher.  I wondered, who else could I get for my Georgey?

At approximately 10pm Central time, after talks on the phone and last second tinkering, I landed not only the Angel’s low-average high-power Mike Napoli at catcher, but the FUCKIN BIG HURT for my UTIL slot!!!

Hot dog!  In four days (the amount of time Cockcroft the Commish set for trades to process, cough, lame) I no longer have to start BOTH Pedro Feliz and Edwin Encarnacion, but pick between those bags of crap!  I am free to start my catcher without an ounce of shame!

Also, I guarantee Eick bitches about this trade, “Because I offered you sooooo much, dude, you’re an idiot,” blah blah blah, shut up Eick.  I love this trade.  Awesome.

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