Posts Tagged ‘Stattracker’

So, after a little bit of time, I went back to Stattracker to double check that ridiculous line by Jeff Mathis. The 19 runs were still there, so I checked out the Play-by-Play breakdown. Once again, brace yourself for The Single Greatest Offensive Game Ever Played in the History of American Sports.


Everything is seemingly fine until the bottom of the first inning, where Mathis’ passion for baseball overwhelms him. After watching a 1-2-3 inning, Mathis somehow convinces his own team to stay on the field and pitch to him. He promptly grounds out and lines out twice. Mathis comes up FOUR times for the Angels, going 1-4 with a double. In the bottom half of the 2nd inning, things get truly interesting. Mathis singles, and resident Lurch Richie Sexson ghost runs for him. Mathis comes back up and singles AGAIN. With Vidro ghost running for him, Mathis strikes out, walks, and finally grounds into a double play. Amazing. Next!


According to Stattracker, in the fourth inning, Jeff Mathis bats for BOTH TEAMS, going a combined 3 for 7, grounding into a double play while also getting caught stealing. In the top of the 5th, hitting for Seattle mind you, Mathis singles, strikes out, is intentionally walked, grounds out, doubles, singles, and then is caught stealing. Barry who? I think we’ve found the future of baseball. And he is stocky and white.

These are the type of ridiculous errors that Stattracker will provide ALL SEASON LONG. Granted, I will bow to the inevitable and buy this ridiculously ineffective tool. Someday, somehow, Yahoo will realize the err of their ways. Or they won’t and hope rubes like me keep comin’ back.

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I couldn’t figure out how the Angels could have possibly scored 19 runs in 7 innings, so I checked the scoring summary. I figured Vlad or Torii Hunter did the damage. Um, no.

Mathis is Yahweh

As you can see, Stattracker reveals the true heart and soul of the Angels, and it ain’t that goddamn monkey!

Jeff Mathis IS that good! Also, that’s a jones, as he is the battery-mate of one Mike Napoli, who I just grabbed in a trade. Hopefully it’s just a lucky day.

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According to Stattracker, Rick Ankiel can now add a new chapter to his storied career (alongside wild pitches, butt injections and home runs).

“Ankiel homers to catcher, Pujols scores.”

Something once thought impossible has been achieved. Instead of hitting a home run over the fence in fair territory, Ankiel has found a way to hit the ball to the catcher for a round-tripper! Must be some loophole in the system.

I blame Pedro Feliz.

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One thing I need to explain is Stattracker. Stattracker is a service provided by Yahoo for free. For the first two weeks of the fantasy baseball season, that is.

There are a million and one flaws in the program. Sometimes it doesn’t load up at all. Other times it tells you that Alex Rodriguez hit a single. The next batter is Alex Rodriguez, and he grounds out. And then you read that Alex Rodriguez has hit a double, scoring Alex Rodriguez. Upon viewing the game’s box score, Stattracker calmly tells you that no one has gotten a hit. At all. In fact, the game hasn’t started.

This is a typical day of Stattracker. This, of course, is after you pay the 10-12 dollars they demands you pay up front, no matter how shitty the service provided.

So, in the coming months you will get to know Stattracker very well indeed.

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