Hey, it’s me again, Paulie! Remember when you drafted me at the end the 10th round this season, expecting 30 homers and a 100 ribby campaign?
Keep dreaming sucker.
You’ll be lucky to get 20 home runs out of me, because I am a chump. All you will hear this season is whining: “My wrist hurts,” or, “Thome steals all my RBI’s,” or, “I’m terrible!”
And my manager will keep on backing me up, because he is Ozzie Guillen. And we all know that with a couple F$&*s and Motherf$&*ers, along with some good old fashioned horses%^ will help me right my shitp.
And it’s true. I’ve hit my peak, and I have finally transformed into my true form:
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I Truly Have No Life 