Posts Tagged ‘Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Disneylandworld’

Ah, the season is so young, and our Yahoo fantasy baseball stats are already screwed up. As everyone knows, the Phillies and Braves enjoyed a spirited game last night that ended when my little combustible Mikey Gonzalez struck out my free-swinging Raul Ibanez to end a 4-1 Braves victory.

Stats in a Yahoo-league are usually accrued and applied to teams by 6am the next morning. But this is Yahoo, the same people who bring you the delightfully malfunctioning STATTRACKER, a device single-handedly responsible for Jeff Mathis’ incredible 20 RBI game last season.

So, once again, thank you Yahoo for having free leagues. Just quit it with the, “Oh, there was a game last night? Stats? What are those?” shenanigans.

Games today! Woo hoo! KONERKO!



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Hi, I’m Bill.  I’m the ignoramus who signed Carlos Silva to a FOUR YEAR 48 MILLION DOLLAR deal.  To give you a better idea of why I should be fired and take my terrible manager with me, we’ll play a game. For every point that Bavasi or the Mariners players attain, the more blame goes their way.

Carlos Silva

Career Line:

IP: 1022
K: 423
H: 1221
ERA: 4.44
WHIP: 1.38
BAA: .300

Notice the 200 hits more than innings pitched! Also, the sparkling .300 Batting Average Against! That’s not a typo. In his major league career, Carlos Silva has let ALL of his opponents bat .300 against him. That’s an awful number. Almost impossible to ignore. Bavasi apparently did. To the tune of 12 million dollars a year. A terrible signing bested only by The Incomparable Sabean and Zito the Great.

Score: Bavasi 1, Mariners 0

Richie Sexson

Need some good old power hitting? Look no further than…sorry, scratch that, look further, look into the fucking solar system, look anywhere but at Richie Sexson. He has been putrid, and the fact that Seattle couldn’t land another power bat to platoon with Sexson (or mercifully end his career with a vicious knee-cap Kerrigan-style) says something about Bavasi. In plain English, he and his staff cannot address inherent flaws in the Mariner’s offense, even with a 117 million dollar payroll. Why else would Jose Vidro be batting clean-up or 5th on any planet on any team in the world-o-sphere? Points for Bavasi and the Mariners, as a point can be made that Sexson should be playing better than a dog with three legs.

Score: Bavasi 2, Mariners 1

Erik Bedard

He’s on my team, I know the pain he brings to the table. Is he hurt? Maybe? The Mariner’s ain’t sayin’ squat, so my guess is as good as yours. One start he’s untouchable, the next he’s the kid from Rookie of the Year Pre-Injury/Post-Recovery of Normal Skill Set. He’s like Oliver Perez Lite. Points against the Mariners, simply because Bedard was supposed to be my ace this year.

Score: Bavasi 2, Mariners 2

Jarrod Washburn, Miguel Batista

Really? These guys are still pitching professionally? Really? Why/How? This has got to be all Bavasi. This reads as a bad joke, so there’s no use in trying. Two points for Bavasi for each horrible veteran starter retained.

Score: Bavasi 4, Mariners 2

John McLaren

His managing skills are Yost-like. Also, he waited until the Mariners were 18 1/2 games behind the Los Angeles Angel of Anaheim of Greater Disneyworldland to scream at his team. Puzzled? Count me in. If you are TEN games back, I believe every last one of your players should be sent from the stadium in tears. Especially Carlos Silva and Richie Sexson. Too little too late, McLaren. You’re more useless than Bob Geren.

Score: Bavasi 5, Mariners 2


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Ever since I dropped Pedro Feliz, my team has existed as a study of duality. One day all of my starters and closers are shelled.

The next Ervin Santana and Johnny Cueto pitch like men possessed. Cueto was human, but I watched that game; the Cubs are H-O-T-T HOTT! I took a huge chance in starting Cueto against what I view is a great offense, and it paid off. He looked a lot more comfortable, although he struggled in the sixth inning and generally looked tired (not to mention he lost about 4 MPH on his fastball, yikes!). When Derrek Lee is HOTT, any pitcher is in trouble. Kind of wish I took him instead of Sizemore as my second pick…

Anyways, Santana was insane. I’ve been watching his games and at times he seemed completely unhittable. What was spectacular about last night was watching him maintain his poise through all nine innings. He had only thrown 80 pitches through the first 7 innings! Watching Torii Hunter steal singles and doubles in centerfield only reinforced my belief that this might be a break-out year for Santana.

The difference between Santana and Cueto/Lincecum is the defense. Outside of obnoxious rookies trying to error their way back to Double A (Matt Brown, two errors that led to runs in Santana’s previous start), the Angels D is awesome. Hunter, Matthews Jr, even Vlad is a much better OF defense than say, Adam Dunn, Freel/Hairston Jr/Patterson, Griffey Jr. Watching Adam Dunn running after fly balls in left field is truly hair-raising. And if he continues to look any more like a bloated- Steve McQueen, well he better hit more home runs to support my Johnny Cueto!

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So, after a little bit of time, I went back to Stattracker to double check that ridiculous line by Jeff Mathis. The 19 runs were still there, so I checked out the Play-by-Play breakdown. Once again, brace yourself for The Single Greatest Offensive Game Ever Played in the History of American Sports.


Everything is seemingly fine until the bottom of the first inning, where Mathis’ passion for baseball overwhelms him. After watching a 1-2-3 inning, Mathis somehow convinces his own team to stay on the field and pitch to him. He promptly grounds out and lines out twice. Mathis comes up FOUR times for the Angels, going 1-4 with a double. In the bottom half of the 2nd inning, things get truly interesting. Mathis singles, and resident Lurch Richie Sexson ghost runs for him. Mathis comes back up and singles AGAIN. With Vidro ghost running for him, Mathis strikes out, walks, and finally grounds into a double play. Amazing. Next!


According to Stattracker, in the fourth inning, Jeff Mathis bats for BOTH TEAMS, going a combined 3 for 7, grounding into a double play while also getting caught stealing. In the top of the 5th, hitting for Seattle mind you, Mathis singles, strikes out, is intentionally walked, grounds out, doubles, singles, and then is caught stealing. Barry who? I think we’ve found the future of baseball. And he is stocky and white.

These are the type of ridiculous errors that Stattracker will provide ALL SEASON LONG. Granted, I will bow to the inevitable and buy this ridiculously ineffective tool. Someday, somehow, Yahoo will realize the err of their ways. Or they won’t and hope rubes like me keep comin’ back.

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I couldn’t figure out how the Angels could have possibly scored 19 runs in 7 innings, so I checked the scoring summary. I figured Vlad or Torii Hunter did the damage. Um, no.

Mathis is Yahweh

As you can see, Stattracker reveals the true heart and soul of the Angels, and it ain’t that goddamn monkey!

Jeff Mathis IS that good! Also, that’s a jones, as he is the battery-mate of one Mike Napoli, who I just grabbed in a trade. Hopefully it’s just a lucky day.

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Crazy trade action last night.  When looking at my team, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I just had no power whatsoever at some positions.  My catcher Carlos Ruiz was so league average it fucking killed me, and frankly I was sick of playing Pedro Feliz EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK (I love you Pedro, please hit more homers).

So I decided to use my quality trade chip, also known as George Sherrill.  Sherrill’s great because he’s started so hot, leading the league in saves for the lowly Orioles.  Meanwhile, since I’ve picked up Pete Moylan, I have four closers.  Did I mention I also own Heath Bell, potential successor of Trevor Hoffman when he implodes?  Closer is not an issue for me.

Eick had been interested in George Sherrill earlier in the week, but sent me more of his ridiculously lop-sided trades.  Instead of just asking for Sherrill, he tried to poach James Loney as well.  If you read this week’s Guestly Column, you’ll see that Shatraw doesn’t really like Loney.  Hmm, what say you player note?

Apr 12 1B James Loney extended his career-high hitting streak to 10 games with a solo home run in the sixth inning, his second of the season. Loney has hit safely in 18 of his past 19 games dating to last season and has a .373 average (28-for-75) during that stretch.”

Yeah, sounds like a real major league pretender, right?  Yeah…no.  He’s legit, and I’m gonna covet the living hell out of his sweet left-handed swing.

Sorry, off topic there.  Lucas shot me a tentative offer for Sherrill, and I shot it down.  But I liked the idea, because he offered me a catcher.  I wondered, who else could I get for my Georgey?

At approximately 10pm Central time, after talks on the phone and last second tinkering, I landed not only the Angel’s low-average high-power Mike Napoli at catcher, but the FUCKIN BIG HURT for my UTIL slot!!!

Hot dog!  In four days (the amount of time Cockcroft the Commish set for trades to process, cough, lame) I no longer have to start BOTH Pedro Feliz and Edwin Encarnacion, but pick between those bags of crap!  I am free to start my catcher without an ounce of shame!

Also, I guarantee Eick bitches about this trade, “Because I offered you sooooo much, dude, you’re an idiot,” blah blah blah, shut up Eick.  I love this trade.  Awesome.

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Both of my victories, Lincecum and Ervin Santana, were just wasted by blown saves.


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