Dear Kyle Lohse

It’s me, the Mean, the Average, Reality. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for about a month and a half now, and I’m glad we finally touched base. Now remember: You are a scrubby pitcher and no longer will you grace Shatraw’s team with respectable statistics. Just remember who you are and be true to that. There’s no sense in over-achieving, especially when I do not reap the benefits. Now, back to swimming in my swimming pool full of fantasy dollars.